men vs. MEN

There are men, and there are MEN.
The former refers to those who are men by virtue of:
the double x chromosome in their genes,
the gender column that they tick in any official document, &
the razor & cream they use every morning.
The biological, legal or day to day science associated with manhood when galvanized by character& nature of the individual builds the latter category called – MEN. These are species that have more to manhood than just the above mentioned attributes of science.

The birth& development of either off-shoot cannot be explained lest we delve into the classical debate of nature vs. nurture.
I mean, to be born with certain physical & sexual attributes is one thing & that is what I refer to as the nature aspect of the debate. But how the subtleties of these attributes are manifested ‘in society & by the society’ is all about nurturing MANhood. In the male-dominated, patriarchic society that we belong to, often the birth of an individual with the sexual & physical attributes of a man are enough. Both parents & society don’t feel the need to value-add the individual to grow into a MAN; which is what leaves me wondering if nature is all that is important for the individual to be defined as him, or does society at large have the responsibility of nurturing him into a MAN.

Either ways what prevents me from giving a man the status of a MAN is, if he is 'weak'. What I mean is that if he cannot stand up for what he believes, then he is ‘weak’. If I don’t see men strive hard enough for what they think they want ( and to begin with know what they want) then I believe they don’t have the requisite strength. And mind you this is not the strength that can be attributed to the physical and sexual vigor that the male gender is born with. In fact it is the strength that society nurtures in a man so that he grows up into a man who can take hard, challenging and strong decisions in life. Decisions- which not only propel his own good, but the good of society at large. Such men are not born from their mother's womb, such men are nurtured outside in this big bad world!! I like Khaled Hosseini’s version of what carves out such men. He says:
'A boy who cannot stand up for himself grows up into a man, who cannot stand up for anything in life'
While Hosseini had his own situations & interpretations to justify what he said. For me the first time a boy doesn’t stand up for himself - he has expressed his weakness to do so, and very soon the once shown weakness gives into another such occasion, and a string of such occasions just makes a man get into the habit of being weak – a vicious circle where one weak step leads to another, the other ends up justifying the first & so on. The peril of such a vicious circle is that it keeps churning you round & round without much effort. Breaking the shackles of the leisurely pace & the rhythm of it all, requires some exceptional effort on ones part. Very similar to what happens in rotary motion, the centripetal & centrifugal force once synchronized to each other; make it hard to break the circular motion. And settlement in such a motion is what I refer to nurturing against MANhood.

A boy pushed out of a playing field by his fellow playmates, may walk out thinking that the bigger boys will crush him if he retaliates. I say, getting crushed once is better than carrying the shame & hence the habit of walking out of a playing field for the rest of your life. Boys who do not fight playmates on a playing field, get into the habit of walking out of challenging situations unperturbed & unabashed. Not only do I blame the boy who walks out of the fear of being crushed, also I blame the doting parent who discourages the boy from ‘getting into trouble’. What the doting parent doesn’t realize is that encouraging weakness in one aspect of life, will soon translate into the boy being weak in other aspects too.

They say the first time is always the most difficult, and it is as true about being ‘weak’ as it is about anything in life. In fact, the first time well combated could well mean strength for a lifetime. So, for all the men who want to grow up to be MEN, its time you avoid the first weak step, and for those who have already indulged in that one weak step, its time to fight the forces which are forcing to keep you in the loop of the vicious circle. While its difficult, it surely will help you, and for those who are hoping that God will send that dramatic opportunity for you to show your strength; Let me tell you, God only helps those who help themselves.

I know I have probably not been able to express my acute dislike for ‘weak’ men with the greatest élan. But for those who really want to know who I am talking about, you have to know Amirof ‘The Kiteruner’ & Jalil of ‘A thousand splendid sons’. Amir whose weakness in not being able to save his friend from abuse, leaves him in guilt & a spree of ‘weak’ actions for the rest of the life. While Jalil whose weakness of not accepting the woman he impregnates as his wife, leads him to build a relationship of lies & treachery with his illegitimate daughter- Mariam. God save the Hassans, Mariams & myself from being around men who are weak!!